


Had I not seen the Sun

by Rouzhi_Fans_HP



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Draco Malfoy POV, Drarry, Fluff, M/M, Not a lot of angst mostly fluff in the end!!!, Poem-plot-fanfic, This is not a poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-08-27 02:48:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16693996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rouzhi_Fans_HP/pseuds/Rouzhi_Fans_HP
Summary: Had I not seen the SunI could have borne the shadeBut Light a newer WildernessMy Wilderness has made—-Emily DickinsonA little angsty work with a happy ending from Draco's POV <3





	1. Bearing the shade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I quick plotbunny after reading this poem, these boys never fail to make my heart melt!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are welcome, 
> 
> Happy reading!

_Had I not seen the Sun_

_I could have borne the shade_

_But Light a newer Wilderness_

_My Wilderness has made—_

 

_-Emily Dickinson_

 

Last time Harry spoke to me was exactly a year ago. Which meant that we’ve broken up for a year, 2 months and 8 days now. And our anniversary is 8 months and 2 days away. Harry’s birthday is exactly three months away. 

 

I miss him.

 

I’m not sure whether he misses me.

 

I never would have thought I could’ve experienced true love in my life, I found out I was gay pretty much at the start of my puberty, but I knew my pureblood status wouldn’t allow a “freak” like that. 

 

Harry and I just somehow became closer after the war. Probably because Weasley had started an auror internship and Granger had accepted a small ministry job. Of course, there were also a lot of invitations for Harry, but he wanted to finish his last year at Hogwarts before he decided what he wanted in life. While in my case, all of my “Friends” had left the country in order to escape their parent’s pasts.

 

 And I stayed to escape revengeful victims of the war, my family has performed so many sins that even if I did leave the country there will be men chasing me down.

 

I thought that Hogwarts would protect me from harm.

 

It didn’t.

 

Harry did.

 

We weren’t really friends at first, just considerably more civilized. He knew my pain, and I knew his, so we never rubbed them in each other’s face. As if by fate, Harry and I were sorted into the same eighth-year dorm rooms, though I suspect it may be McGonagall’s doing since she had encouraged all that “inter-house union” shit. 

 

On a warm-ish autumn night, after two bottles of the fire-whiskey, Harry had blurted out his sexuality to all of our dorm-mates. I was surprised to find him gay. The irony it brought it brought to the situation is almost humiliating. The Golden Boy, The Chosen One, has a leg for men? Not too different from the Pure Blood heir being gay.

 

Once all our dorm-mates had gone to sleep, drunk, I fed Harry a strong sober-up potion and took him to the astronomy tower. I had confessed my sexuality as well. He seemed surprised at first, but he shook his head and smiled after a quick recovery. 

 

“Guess we are more similar than we thought we were.” He joked.

 

We both knew that being gay doesn’t make anyone a different person, but it does make you look at a person in a whole new light. 

 

“Actually, Draco, out of all of my friends, you have been the hardest to come out to. Girls are always understanding, boys are usually fine after a while. But YOU, Draco, you’re a racist pureblood and raised near people who may probably murder their own children if they were gay. Ha, who knew you’re actually gay yourself. Must’ve been hard coming out to your parents.”

 

I was too surprised by his reference of me as his _friend_ to get offended. I thought of his sentence again.

Realizing that I probably should give a reply, I said: “I haven’t told my parents yet, actually. I don’t have anyone to defend for. Yes, I am gay, but I’ve been preparing myself to marry a pureblood women every since I started to remember things. I know what is going to happen to me, and I don’t see a reason to go against it.”

 

But I knew that I DID have a reason to go against it now. Harry Bloody Potter was gay! The boy whom I’ve been lusting after ever since second year! The actual reason that made me realize I was gay LIKES MEN! It’s not like he would ever like me, but now we’ve all bared our deepest secrets to each other, I may have a chance…

 

Right？

 

We started dating not so long afterward. It was weird, how it happened, none of us asked each other out. We just got closer and started occasionally holding hands, it was a mutual gesture, neither of us remembered who started it. But finally, we had a talk in the common room where we agreed that we’ve been half-dating and should start dating. That was our anniversary. We were timid at first, being the first time we had dated our preferred gender, but we often lost our selves in kisses. I would nibble at the places that would make Harry open up his mouth and lead his hands to my hair because I knew he loved putting his hands there. He had complimented me on how soft my hair was so many times before. He said that he thought it would be stiff to the touch considering how hard it looked when I pulled my hair back with hair gel, but he told me it was soft, like strands of feathers. We often slept in each other's beds. Sometimes when he has his panic attacks, he would come to mine and when I feel especially col, I would go to his. It was our little haven.

 

I never like to use the word “addicting” on lovers. It makes them feel like a forbidden item. Harry wasn’t an addiction. He was my love. 

 

He _is_ still my love.

 

We were 17 when we had our first time. My parents were in Azkaban so they obviously didn’t care when I spent my Easter holiday. We spent it at Grimmauld Place. There was no barrier, no fear of being exposed. We stopped bickering, we stopped holding back. I had confessed my love to him one afternoon, it was the only time I had been brave on the relationship front. He had straight up prepositioned me to bed after that.

 

We loved each other.

 

After we graduated, we both turned to the Auror office. It was quite widespread that I was dating the chosen one, and a lot of people thought that I had sneaked him a love potion or had him under the imperious curse. But the ministry had used multiple spells on Harry to detect whether he was in fact cursed, of course, they didn't detect anything.

 

Harry was my sun. Dating him made me realize that I have been living in the shade all my life. But now he’s gone. I never knew how cold nights could be.

 


	2. Hope?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I had stopped posting for such a long time!  
> I was kinda busy.  
> But here's your second chapter!  
> Comments and kudos are LOVED <3

After a year, _a year_! I still haven’t figured completely out why he had left me. We were truly in love, and I haven’t done much wrong. Some of my friends had guessed that he may be using me as a “toy” and that he wasn’t really gay, but I know that he did love me. The spark in his eyes when he sees me, the way he whispers good night. I refuse to believe they were not real.

 

True, there were occasional bickering, but they were literally over nothing. I hadn’t said anything extreme or upsetting. I’ve never cheated. I’ve never returned home late unless I was on a mission, and in that case, he would be with me as well. 

 

The only logical reason I came up with is that he had lost his love to me, it had been watered down, washed away, blown out. 

 

Though that seemed unlikely considering how passionate he was before he had left.

But all is likely in the hands of chance.

 

It’s all I can still believe! He was my love, I was his. And I’m pretty he never cheated or liked anyone else during the relationship either. 

 

Any other explanation could easily be debated against.

 

I had received another pile of post today. I don’t need endless advertisements and free trials, but I still feel the urge to go check in case it has a letter from Harry.

 

I had checked every day after he had left me. But the bloody owls never came back with a letter from him. 

 

Of course, I had written letters to him. But I stopped sending them after a month. The annoying ex is the last person I want to be.

 

And that Ginny Bitch. She has been seen with Harry multiple times and the Prophet’s gossip column suggests that they are dating. They do look intimate, but Harry Bloody Potter LIKES MEN.

 

I know I am avoiding believing obvious things, but I have to keep making these kinds of guesses or I feel like I will collapse. 

 

It’s not like I haven’t already.

 

THERE’S A FRIGGIN LETTER FROM HARRY!

 

Okay, I’m not going to open it. He’s the one that had left me. Now he’s looking for me again, and there’s no way I’m soft like tha…

 

But what if he has an explanation? I've been waiting for the owls to deliver THIS letter for a YEAR, I just CAN't let my stubborness stop us.

 

_Dear ~~Dra~~   Malfoy,_

 

_This is Harry Potter. Unless you had Obliviated yourself like you said you would in your letters, you would remember who I am. (yes Draco I’ve read them all.)_

 

_I know that this letter is long overdue, and by my count, this letter is exactly one year, one month and two days after your last letter, but I really hope you will be able to read this._

 

_Draco, I have some explaining to do, if you would like to give a chance, meet me in Grimmauld Place this afternoon. Any time this afternoon would certainly do. If you have another convenient time, you can owl me again and I’m happy to adjust my schedule for you._

 

_~~Love~~ Best wishes,_

_Harry J. Potter_

 

I’m not goin…

 

YESSSS!!!

 

A letter from Harry!

 

I DO have hope after all!

 

But…He’s the one that was wrong.

 

Yet I know that I’ve been waiting for this for a very long time now, so I won’t let my second guessing stop me.

 

I think… If the sun turned itself off for one day for selfish reasons, and humans are forced to live in a constant shadow, when the sun comes back, they would cheer instead of groan.

 

Well, Harry is my sun. How can I ever complain about seeing daylight? How can I ever push away happiness?

 

Especially when it’s what I’ve been waiting for for so long.

 

(doesn’t make him less like a piece of work for leaving me.)

 

I’m not making it so easy for him though. 

 

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

 

_I am certainly not free this afternoon. I am certainly NOT willing to change my schedule for your suggested meeting._

 

_I am, however, interested in what you have to say. My next available time slot is Wednesday 2:25, and if you would like to meet me, please move your savior ass to Malfoy Manor at said time._

 

_Not Love,_

_Draco Malfoy_

 

 

Ha. I know that Harry has his most important meeting at 2:30 every Wednesday. After we broke up, I had moved to the Potions and Cures Auror department, while he stayed in the in the DADA department. I still know when their meeting days are. I know canceling them would be a snap of his fingers, but it would still be nice if he has to pay at least a little price.

 

I laid in bed for the rest of the afternoon with a huge grin on my face. *Totally not* jerking off.

 

I thought about what I can say to him. I don’t want to seem eager or cold-hearted. I decided to settle on an emotionless: “Good afternoon Mr. Potter.”

 


	3. Sunlight, Daylight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of this short fic, no beta again but I hope you enjoy! and comments and kudos are looooooved!

I know I said that I would be emotionless and ignorant when he comes to Malfoy Manor. But I’m absolutely tongue-tied.

 

He’s flushed and a mess. I knew he had tried to dress up a bit, for he was wearing some relatively-expensive robes (the ones I had bought him for our one year and two week anniversary). But his shirt and roughly tucked in and his tie is half undone. But he still manages to surprise me with how good he looks. 

 

I remember that when we were dating, I used to tuck his shirt in and do his tie before work, but I guess he wasn’t doing so well either without me.

 

Snapping back to reality, I managed to say: “Well? Do come in.”

 

He flushes into the color of his Hogwarts house and stepped inside clumsily. I had changed the place of my living room on purpose so he wouldn’t be too familiar with where I lived, he stared in confusion as I led him to where my kitchen used to be.

 

“I see that there has been some changes.” He sputtered.

 

“Yes, there has.”

 

“You alright in the past year?”

 

“Never been better.” I knew I shouldn’t have said that. But it made him duck his head.

 

“Oh.”

 

*silence*

“Potter, aren’t you here to say something? Do talk.”

 

“I…er…I’m not sure how to start this but…There’s been a reason why I had broken up with you. I want to tell you now.”

 

“Well, we’re not together now are we, it’s not so good to dwell in the past.” _I dwell in the past every day, Harry,_ I almost said.

 

“…And, I’m hoping you might forgive me and come back together with me.”

 

“Convince me, Potter. You’ve never been very good with the tongue.”

 

 I knew exactly how to make him uncomfortable. Though I did mean to ONLY mock his lack of talking skills, the mentioning of the tongue will certainly make him uncomfortable.

 

I was right.

 

“So, uh, Draco, it’s actually a long story. You remember the mission where we had to track down the illegal dark-art instructors? I got hit with a curse that day remember? So yeah: St. Mungo's had informed me that it was a curse where I would harm everyone who stays near me for an extended amount of time. They told me the harm will be close to the Sectumsempura curse. So I thought: I can’t hurt you again. And I forced myself to break up with you. Turns out, it was a misdiagnosis at St. Mungos. I had learned that the man who had casted the curse was hired by someone who wanted to take revenge on you, and the healers were under the Imperious curse. They knew that they couldn’t physically hurt you because I’m always by your side and will Avada them if they dare hurt you, so they wanted to hurt you through me instead. I’m sorry Draco, I should’ve been more caref…”

 

“Stop Harry,” I placed my lips on his to shut him up, and he moaned the last bit of his sentence into the kiss. I pulled away, “It’s not your fault Harry, why haven’t you told me? We could’ve figured it out together!”

 

“Because you would’ve stayed with me anyways and say it’s fine if I hurt you. And the curse would’ve hurt you if that happened.”

I pressed my lips together and the tears that had threatened to come out ever since Harry had came in finally made it’s way out. I knew that Harry was right.

 

I kisses him again, deep and open-mouthed. I found the sensitive place on his lips and started nibbling gently. He dug his fingers in my hair and I did the same. The good thing about his hair: It looks messy, but it’s actually very comfy to hold on to.

 

When we finally broke apart, our lips where both swollen. He gasped for his breath as he asked me whether the bedroom was still at the same place.

 

I know that it will burn if I get too close to the sun, but I’m willing to do it, for his light keeps me going.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a plot bunny that jumped into my mind after I saw this poem one day. It just suited Draco so I wrote this beauty. I had no time for a beta, so please inform me of any mistakes XD  
> Please don't hate me for the angst:  
> More chapters are to come...
> 
>  
> 
> This is a happy ending work due to a beautiful being-- Jenny's specified request, so don't worry, I won't keep my boys apart for too long!
> 
>  
> 
> Comment and kudos me hehehu.


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